When engaging in the acts of internet browsing, television watching, or automobile driving, amongst other invigorating ways to pass the time, we are constantly bombarded with the subtle and/or not so subtle art of advertisement. From the billboards depicting that juicy triple bacon cheddar monster burger you hadn't expected to pull over for, the semi-truck pulling power of the epoxy you never knew you needed until Billy Mays was screaming quite the contrary, to the blinking banner above your favorite website INSISTING that you will win a free iPod if you slap the sumo with just the right amount of gumption, we are surrounded by the clever and exciting world of advertisement. Not that I am complaining, let's make this clear, because without the vibrant selection of our favorite annoyances much of what we have come to enjoy would not be able to exist (free television, websites, etc...). But when I stumble upon an ad like the one I am sharing with you, I cannot help but enjoy a little chuckle and really wonder what the hell is going on.
Let's analyze this...
1) No one, and I mean no one, clicks on web advertisements. Obviously I'm wrong about this one, because they're everywhere and someone is clicking on them. But really, I'm right, and you know it.
2) WHAT THE HELL?!?!
3) Now that I've clarified my opinion, just look at this thing! Even if the second half of the image (the 'before', if you will) wasn't "simulated imagery" (as stated on the photo, which can be seen more easily with a swift click on it) you would have to put a good amount of eye liner *in* your wrinkles to even come close to this photoshopped monstrosity.
4) Predicated by the notion that our "simulated imagery" is even remotely close to some level of authenticity, WOW. If this product can make the aforementioned photoshopping look like it's counterpart on the left, then I'd be a monkey's uncle if it didn't cure cancer and feed starving babies.
Whatever schmuck came up with this vitriol shit ought to be hogtied and dragged into Assholetown. Who the hell comes up with this shit, who approves said shit, and how is it that between these two bitches and anyone else involved not a one of them thought to themselves WOW, we suck balls. BIG HAIRY BALLS.
As much as we may hate it, advertisement is and will continue to be a part of our daily lives. Without it, how else would you have known to stop by your favorite fast food joint for that 5lb. heart attack, or be able to clean up that wine stain, wash your car, AND cook dinner with Billy Mays' super shammy. But the last time I checked, liver tonic hasn't been sold since about 1896, so please you assholes responsible for this atrocity to the good name of commercialism, put your miracle cream away and shut the fuck up!
Love,
Ghey
